While rewarding, motherhood and business does feel impossible 98% of the time. Today I preyed for strength. Actually I cried and begged for strength. I know I need to push through the challenges at work, while feeling helpless because I need to first tend to the children. You see the problem is that I’m a problem solver and impatient. Which means I don’t like to wait when it comes to solving the problems at work. I just want to get it done and completed immediately. But then… I turn around and see two screaming babies that first need to be feed and dressed so I can head into the office.
While getting the kids ready, I am also on the phone (sounding like a lunatic trying to have a conversation on one end and then randomly yelling at the kids to stop eating the dogs toys on the other end) all while trying to solve problems at work. I love the flexibility that owning your own business gives you, but at the same time it feels impossible that I am doing both at the same time. I mean, I’m not just working a job which I can clock off at the end of the day and be done with it. I’m growing a business… and growing children! Honestly, I thought working full time in my corporate job and juggling a family was hard. Now growing a business? That shit needs intense focus (which we all know children don’t allow us to have).
None of this means I would change any of my choices. I always knew it was going to be a challenge. And while I go insane trying to balance the best of two worlds, I do secretly love the challenge and enjoy testing my own limits. Every time I think about giving up, I’ve never actually been able to let go. Something pushes me to keep going. To keep trying. I guess my mind just wonders too much. And if I don’t try, my imagination doesn’t leave me alone. Instead it sits there developing dreams and telling me about a life of what “could be” and then I just have to keep trying. Trying to see if my imagination can actually create something tangible. I dunno, I guess I’m just weird. Even if my imagination doesn’t lead me to creating anything tangible, it sure is persuasive at getting me on my feet and motivated enough to try and change my life.